Everything I read in August & September

Ignoring the fact that it has been an entire year since I've posted anything, let's move on to discuss what I read in August and September of 2021. If there's one theme that ties together the books I read this month, it's probably: there are better books from these authors.

The Nickel Boys by Colson Whitehead :: There's no doubt that Colson Whitehead is a great writer. I find his books (I also read The Underground Railroad last year) very easy to get absorbed into and The Nickel Boys is no different. This story follows the life of Elwood Curtis, a black boy who is sent to a reform school in Jim-Crow era Florida. This is not an easy story to read. The reform school is, as expected horrifying and worst of all, the events are based on real schools that punished young men who were too young, or their crimes too petty, for them to go to prison. 

My one complaint about Colson's writing is that he's almost too cold in his writing. I felt like this reading The Underground Railroad. I felt like I was reading these awful things happen to the character from a very...cold narrator if that makes sense? The story is awful and sad but the emotional part of the storytelling is really missing for me.

Cosmopolis by Don DeLillo :: Have you ever read a book and thought "I am either really dumb or this book just doesn't make sense." I have no idea what happened in most of this book and apparently neither do most people who reviewed this on Goodreads. It follows a young tech billionaire as he travels in his limousine through New York City. If you're looking for a book that's confusing as all hell and you're not sure what the message is then maybe this book is for you. If you'd prefer a book that's a harder read but still comprehensible may I suggest DeLillo's White Noise. It's about noise pollution and the effects that have on one family.

Of Mice and Men by John Steinbeck :: A sweet and short read that I really enjoyed, Of Mice and Men follows the story of two men George and Lennie two displaced migrant workers in the 1930s. I have read Grapes of Wrath and found that novel a little hard to get through, so if you are after an easy read I highly recommend picking this up. I love the snapshot of the 1930s and always get a sense of how different and yet in some ways how similar the struggle of poverty and rural poverty still is when compared to life today.

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini :: I really enjoyed this book from the perspective of learning more about life before and after the Taliban takeover of Afghanistan. I picked this up because of what currently has been happening in Afghanistan. Like all of these books I didn't find this book really connected on an emotional level. I can highly recommend The Kite Runner which is also by Khaled Hosseini if you are after a more emotional story set in the same region.

The Secret History by Donnna Tart :: I've had The Secret History on my TBR list for so long, but once I read it I felt it was kind of overwhelming. I find Donna Tart books are a couple of hundred pages longer than I need to be. Again, it was an interesting read but I kind of felt like I was reading the story from afar and not really engaged with the emotional story of 

Everything I Read in May and June

May and June have come and gone and brought with it the end of lockdown in New Zealand and a little trip to the tippy top of the North Island. Here's what books I made my way through during these months.

The Testaments by Margaret Atwood: A satisfying and solid read, I enjoyed this follow up to Margaret Atwood's modern classic The Handmaid's Tale. As an avid watcher of the series, I was interested in seeing how her follow up book compared. It certainly gave more insight into the inner workings of Gilead and I enjoyed the passages that were told from Aunt Lydia's point of view. 

The Things They Carried by Tim O'Brien: I've never been a big fan of "war books" but The Things They Carried isn't a typical book about missions and patrols. It's harrowing, sad and insightful but most of all gave a real sense of the pointlessness and numbness that many soldiers experienced while serving in Vietnam and the lives they returned to afterwards. 

The Immortalists by Chloe Benjamin: An intriguing read about four children who pay a psychic to tell them the date they each die. Each child dies on the expected date, but was it fate or did this knowledge push those who were supposed to die young live more recklessly than their siblings? I enjoyed the premise of this book a bit more than the actual story but it left me with a lot of interesting thoughts nonetheless.

Everything I Know About Love by Dolly Alderton: According to my British friends, Dolly Alderton is a bit of an icon for millennial women who have grown up with her columns and television appearances. I know her from the delightfully insightful podcast The High Low and was intrigued to hear more about her thoughts on relationships, dating and love. I have to think that had I grown with Dolly as an icon I would have enjoyed this book a bit more. It's a fairly light read, peppered with stories about her love life and her close friends' relationships. I did enjoy that the ending was much more focused on self-love and Dolly finding herself, rather than finding the perfect relationship.

Mosquitoland by David Arnold: Fifteen-year-old Mim runs away from her Dad's house and boards a Greyhound to visit her sick mother. This coming-of-age adventure story is peppered with a cast of crazy characters and missteps and a touching ending that has our protagonist realizing a thing or two about the adults in her life. While I enjoyed the story, the character of Mim felt less like a real teenager and more like a vehicle to deliver the wit and insights of the adult author. In the same way that many John Greene characters feel too precocious to be real, Mim didn't really encompass a teenagers point of view in my opinion.

The Bride Test by Helen Hoang: An easy read that has cute and realistic autism representation and a cast of funny characters. I have to admit that romances just aren't my jam. While I enjoyed that the writing and plot of this book are fun, I have a hard time staying interested in the will-they won't-they premise of this novel.

Top Ten Tuesday: DNF Books

I used to do Top Ten Tuesday's all the time, but it's been years since I've rounded up my favourite books that fit the weekly theme. First of all, my TTT happens on a Wednesday, because hello timezones, and this week the theme is books we Did Not Finish. I've tried to sum up why I DNF each book as succinctly as possible.

Moby Dick by Herman Melville :: I talked in my last post about being separated from my Kindle thanks to the lockdown, for the past six weeks. To combat having a lack of access to books, I downloaded this book (for free) onto my phone. I don't know what to say other than that I just don't gel with some overly flowery classics. I thought I would enjoy this book, since I lived in New England for the past year and a bit, but I could not deal with the convoluted language.

Emma by Jane Austin :: This is actually a firm favourite of mine! I downloaded it onto my phone and I think the main reason I stopped reason is I found a physical book to read. No idea what that book was but I would re-read Emma in a heartbeat.

A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway :: Sensing a theme here? I think there are classics that help you ease into the writing of old authors, and A Moveable Feast was not that book. The book is a bunch of stories told from Hemingway's point of view about life in the 1920s. I don't know what I was expecting but it felt like a lot of rambling with some famous names (Fitzgerald) thrown in for good measure.

Hitman Anders and the Meaning of it All by Jonas Jonasson :: I don't think I've ever read, or at least finished, a Jonasson book before. He had huge success with the 100 Year Old Man and The Girl Who Saved The King of Sweden. I think the writing style just doesn't hook me in that much. I like humorous books, but I felt like this book kind of banked on 'getting' the humour of his past work in order to keep you entertained.

Love Unscripted by Owen Nicholls :: This had all the hallmarks of a book I would enjoy; references to cinema, a love story, kind of snarky characters. I just couldn't get into this book. It's an adult romance, which is fine, but after reading the exceptionally cute Again, But Better, (which is YA) I just found the characters a little grating and unlikeable. It's told in retrospect, so a lot of flaws in their love life are discussed but...there was something about airing all the negative elements of the character's relationship that put me off being invested in their story.

None of these books were 'bad' reads, I just struggled with my own expectations to really get into any of them. I'd love to know if you enjoy any of the books I have mentioned above and what your most recent DNF books are.

Everything I Read In March and April 2020

March and April were significant reading months for two very different reasons; we started lockdown here in New Zealand, and I made the critical mistake of leaving my Kindle at my house, while I was 'sheltering' at my mum's house an hour away. Originally, my stay was supposed to be for 14 days, but six weeks later I was allowed to travel back home.

On the one hand, I had been trying to reduce the amount of money I was spending on Kindle Amazon books, but I don't think the pandemic was the best time to test how easy this would have been. Even so, I managed to read some great books over the past two months.

The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck :: I absolutely fell in love with East of Eden when I read it two years ago and was excited to try a second Steinbeck novel. Overall, I didn't love the experience of reading this novel. It was driven by dialogue and written in a heavy Okalhomian dialect that required some mental gymnastics to interpret what was being said, and what was actually meant. I did like the overall themes of the novel and exploring just how abruptly lives were changed during the Great Depression. It certainly made me think, and considering I read this mere weeks before the lockdown, now have an even deeper sense of empathy for those who were forced to survive by any means necessary during this time.

Again, But Better by Christine Riccio :: This was the perfect follow up to the slog (sorry) that Grapes of Wrath felt like at times. It's a fun story about second chances that actually, unexpectedly hit me in the feels. I knew Riccio was a Youtuber and was intrigued to read her debut novel. It's a cute, funny YA novel about a college girl called Shane who has been 'doing college wrong.' Stuck in her room reading books and going to classes, Shane signs up for a year abroad and decides to put herself out there, make friends and is determined to have her first kiss. This is a really sweet read that hits on many pressures that students face about seeing their college years as the "best years of their lives." There is also a fun twist that I had to admit, I did not see coming.

The Farm by Joanne Ramos :: I wanted to love this book, but it almost became a DNF. I think part of the problem is that it's packaged as a dystopian novel which made me think it would be more like the Handmaid's Tale or The Power. Instead, the drama mainly centres around the mother, Jane, an immigrant from the Phillippines, who becomes a surrogate at The Farm. Overall I liked the premise of this book, but the way the drama was constructed was unbelievable at times. Mainly, Jane was prohibited from seeing her own daughter and was finding The Farm increasingly controlling. It just seemed weird to me that the book focused so much on surrogates living a stress-free and healthy life but then prohibited Jane from seeing her daughter, something which would be crazy-stressful for any parent. It had potential but didn't live up to the hype for me.

Know My Name by Chanel Miller :: Chanel was originally known as Emily Doe, the victim in the Brock Turner sexual assault case. I was surprised at how well Chanel writes and that the warmth and humour with which she tells her story only makes it all the more frightening. I came away from this book feeling angry that survivors like Chanel are treated more like victims, that privilege has an enormous part to play in how we treat offenders, and that Chanel spent more time fighting her case than her offender served in prison. For a dark read, it's still filled with moments of light and hope despite the subject matter.

Normal People by Sally Rooney :: Wow, what a showstopper of a read. I loved Normal People, but also kind of disliked the characters because of how realistically flawed they were. The book follows Connell and Marianne's deeply flawed on-again off-again relationship through high-school, university and into their adult lives. Messy, and realistic, it's one of the more interesting portrayals of growing up, finding love, and figuring out right from wrong.

Boy Swallows Universe by Trent Dalton :: This was a cracker of a read.Told in a uniquely Australian voice, Boy Swallows Universe follows the life of Eli Bell, a 10-year-old boy growing up in 1980s suburban Brisbane. Eli's childhood is anything but normal. His brother is mute, his father is in prison, his mum is a junkie, his step-dad deals drugs and his babysitter is a notorious criminal. Even so, Eli's life is filled with love, albeit in a flawed way. When a local drug king-pin pays his family a visit, leaving his mum in jail and his step-dad missing, Eli is determined to set things right.

Everything I've Read In January and February 2020

I read a lot of books this January and then managed to follow up that number with one measly book in February. While numbers aren't everything, I thought I would summarize everything I got through and whether I would recommend these books to you!

January:

Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie :: Okay, this was actually something I read in December, but I have to include it because it is so good. I love reading novels that are set in different places around the world. I loved getting an insight into what life in Nigeria is like and enjoyed the insights on race and culture in Nigeria and America.

How to Stop Time by Matt Haig :: An adorable little book about a man who does not age and what that means for his relationships. I've read a few Matt Haig books before, and while I enjoyed this, I much prefer his book The Humans. I think his sense of humour is a strong point of his writing, more so than writing a romantic book. Still a great read but if you've not read any of his books start with something funny.

The Beantown Girls by Jane Healey :: This was an interesting read about four girls who sign up to be "Red Cross Girls" during World War Two. Since I don't ever read war novels, it was a nice insight into an aspect of the second world war that I didn't know about. I didn't warm to Healey's writing style immediately and found that the book felt a little factual, or like it breezed past events rather than describing them. In saying that I actually cried reading this, so the characters eventually got under my skin!

F-Stop by Eliza Gordon :: Eliza Gordon is my guilty pleasure read. Her books "Must Love Otters" and "Hollie Porter Builds a Raft" are what I read when I need comfort, and they are delightful and silly, and I don't care. F-Stop is set in British Columbia (as are the two books I mentioned). It follows Francesca or F-Stop, who is on a mission to prove that she's just as capable at photography as her award-winning father and overbearing brother. Cute, silly, romantic, easy to read but more forgettable than Must Love Otters.

Everything I Never Told You by Celeste Ng :: This novel is told in a similar style to Little Fires Everywhere, there are multiple characters and multiple points of view. It follows an Asian-American family after the death of their middle child. I really like the way Ng writes weaving in multiple storylines so effortlessly, but this book was less gripping than Little Fires which I LOVED.

The Flat Share by Beth O'Leary :: While this book had a cute concept at its core, it was kind of forgettable. I found it was the "will they, won't they" concept — two flatmates who basically take shifts sharing a one-bedroom flat and never cross each others paths — was what kept me reading rather than the plot or characters. It did have a bit of depth in the storyline about abuse and control, but overall I didn't overly enjoy this read.

This is How it Always Is by Laurie Frankel :: A fantastically told, thought-provoking read, I really enjoyed this story about how Claude grows up to become Poppy. While Poppy's family are supportive of her transition, their decision to keep secrets puts pressure on the whole family. It's impossible to read this book without having some realization that love, understanding and compassion are essential for children and families that are navigating their own gender paths.

My Sister the Serial Killer by Oyinkan Braithwaite :: Before reading this book, I had assumed this was about a metaphorical serial killer. Nope! The main character really has a sister who is as beautiful as she is deadly. I love this book for its original story. I also loved reading a contemporary novel from Nigeria that wasn't about anything other than how to deal with a murderous sibling.

February:

Educated by Tara Westover :: While this was a good read, I can liken it to The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls that came out about ten years ago. Both books are memoirs about young women growing up with parents that don't believe or value modern-day education (or healthcare). Maybe it's just because I read The Glass Castle first and loved it, but I felt like Educated didn't make as much of an impression on me as Wall's book did.

8 I've Learnt About Managing Money So Far

Financial literacy is an interesting topic. For something that permeates every aspect of our lives, its astonishing that there is no clear path to being "good" with money. In my opinion, there is no such thing anyway. We're all learning and what makes sense for one person's lifestyle or budget might not work for someone else. In saying that here are the most important things I've learnt about managing money over the last decade.

If you need to budget, then you need a budget.

This year I switched from a steady 40-hour a week job, to becoming a "full time" freelancer. While I don't actually work "full time" it is my sole source of income and makes me enough to pay the bills and then some. Up until now, I've managed my money in more of an intuitive way. I've paid my bills first, then socked some money into savings and kind of mismanaged the rest. What I've found is this attitude does not cut it when your income fluctuates wildly from one month to the next. Instead, I've written out a one year budget (template courtesy of One Big Happy Life) and am managing each month as I go.

It's SO HELPFUL. Honestly, I was kind of terrified about how I was going to manage my money going forward. If you are at a stage in your life when just winging it won't cut it, I highly recommend spending an hour or so setting yourself up with a yearly overview. I do log every purchase I make but it takes me less than ten minutes a week to keep up with and I've already made countless money decision based on knowing what was left in each of my budgeted categories for the month.

You can still do smart things with your money even if you don't know what the future holds.

Currently, I'm living in New Zealand after spending one year in America. As me and my partner try to figure out visa's and jobs it's a little bit difficult to think about anything beyond the next year, let along saving for a home or god forbid children one day. I think one of the hardest things for Millennials, and Gen Z after us, is that our lives aren't as linear as generations before us. It's no longer meet someone, get married, buy a house, have kids.

I came to the conclusion that while I couldn't define whether I would be buying a home or even staying in the same country in the next year I could make decisions based on when I might want to access my savings. I have short term savings in a high-interest bank account. This I can access for big payments that I don't have on hand like flights or emergencies.

The rest of my savings are split between a long-term deposit and investing in my ETFs. The long-term deposit I can access in a years time, meaning if I do want to think about a deposit for a house then I can use some of this for a deposit. My investments are for much further along in the future - like my midlife crisis or retirement.

You need to save for retirement. And not just the mandatory minimum payments.

I was 27 when I first learnt that other people my age were actually adding to their retirement accounts - and I'm not talking about opting into the government minimum payments. It's bonkers that this isn't even taught to us at school but, chances are that there will be very little money left in the pension fund by the time we Millenials turn 65. Making monthly contributions to your Kiwisaver, over the mandatory amount is a good idea.

You don't need to be obsessed with FIRE to be "good" with finances.

Here's the thing about money. Utilizing every dollar to build yourself a life you love is more important than saving 70% of your income. Personally, I'm not a big fan of the F.I.R.E (financial independence retire early) clan because living super frugally would drive me crazy. And I should know because I used to date someone who lived this way. Spending money on clothing, entertainment, makeup, sports, craft beers or other non-necessities does not make you bad with money. It just means you have different priorities for your life than someone who wants to save every (and I mean every) penny. Be smart with money. Invest for your goals, pay your debts and save for retirement. But don't feel guilty for whatever "self-indulgent" things you spend money on each week.

Investing isn't just for the super-rich.

There are so many ways to invest money these days from Sharesies to Smarshares and InvestNow that didn't exist ten years ago in New Zealand. I am by no means an expert on what type of fund is best for you but if I can do it it can't be that complicated. My only advice is to invest in your future self. Your investments will go up and down so don't invest if you need to access this money within the next five years.

This morning I woke up to my investments plummeting by 7%. I had two options. Invest some more money while the market had dipped or close my app and ignore it. Since I invest with an auto payment plan at the end of each month (and a lot of studies show that timing your payments doesn't make much of a difference in the long term) I decided to close my app.

There are very few things worth going into debt for.

Cars are not one of them and neither are electronics. Apart from a mortgage or a college education, I can't think of anything that I've bought in the 13 years I've been working that would be worth paying interest on. Most things can wait until you can afford them.

In saying that credit cards aren't necessarily evil.

I was always told that credit cards were bad and that holding debt on them is a huge waste of money. While this is true, there are perks to having a credit card. I've been penalized for taking money out of my savings account because I didn't have enough money in my checking account to pay for flights. With a credit card, I could have paid them off during the month avoiding any fees while keeping my bonus interest. I got a credit card for the first time a year ago and wished I had gotten one sooner. It's also a great way to build credit.

On applying for an apartment this year I requested my credit score to use as a resource to show how great I am at paying my bills. Except...since I've never used credit I have a decidedly average credit score! While I'm sure this matters less in New Zealand than it would in say, America, it's still something to think about.

Check-in on lifestyle inflation every six months. 

Lifestyle inflation or lifestyle creep is when your spending increases as your pay increases. So, rather than being able to save more you just spend more money on unnecessary purchases or nicer more expensive versions of what you used to buy. I like to check in on my lifestyle inflation every six months or so. Too many coffees out or Kindle purchases can blow our budgets without us even realizing.

Now that I have my handy one year budget I find it easier to manage this but even so, I still decided to cancel my subscriptions to The Cut and Spotify (!) because my income is lower than usual. While this only comes to an extra $19 a month and $228 a year, that's the price of hosting my website on Squarespace. Since the gym and my house are the main places I listen to Spotify, and they both have wifi (my rent includes unlimited wifi) it wasn't a sacrifice to me at all.

I'm sure I've learnt more good money habits but these are the main ones that come to mind when I think of what has shaped my finances over the last ten years.

January to February Thrift Haul(ternative)

I wanted to put together a little post on some the items I've picked up this month second-hand. I always had the belief that thrifting was really only for people who liked having quirky closets. You know - the cool girls that can throw on oversized evreything, pair it with a beat up pair of combat boots and still look put together and c~o~o~l. Since that's not really my style I was a bit apprehensive of what I could find that fitted my needs for a business casual wardrobe and still look like me. Here are some gems I've picked up during January and February.

Polkadot skirt. $9.99
This purchase was a bit of a wildcard but come spring I'm hoping it will fill some of the holes in my summer wardrobe. It's from a no-name brand and made from a polyester blend (one of the drawbacks of thrifting online is not being able to check the fabric) but it's pretty cute and similar to skirts I've been looking at buying for a while.

Blouse - Old Navy. $12.99
Before starting thrifting I decided I wasn't going to buy from any really cheap fast fashion brands as I didn't want a wardrobe full of clothing that wouldn't last one season - even if it was super affordable. That kind of went out the window when I found this blouse from Old Navy. It's one of my favourite things to wear lately and its light fabric will be great for transitioning into spring.

Jacket - J Crew. $10
I cannot believe I picked this jacket up for such a steal. I had it saved to my Poshmark watchlist at $30 and snapped it when the price unexpectedly dropped to just $10. I don't have many jackets appropriate for Spring and I liked that this wasn't just a plain green fatigue-style jacket.

Handbag - Who What Wear. $17
My last handbag was in quite good condition up until the semi-finals of the NFL this year when an entire pint of beer was spilled on the floor, resulting in my bag being the sponge that absorbed it all. I spied this cute Who What Wear flap bag on ThredUp and was pleased to note that it comes with the detachable silk scarf - two accessories for the price of one!

Jeans - Madewell. $25
My current pair of black jeans are a size too small and dig in uncomfortably around my waist. They also seem to be impossible to wash without coming out of the machine covered in white powder marks. I have been coveting Madwell jeans for a while now after hearing so many good reviews of them, but at over $100 a pair I was a little reluctant to buy them. I found this pair for a quarter of the price on Poshmark and snapped them up!

Rust Jumper - No name brand. $30
My wardrobe has quite a few white, grey and black jumpers in it and I've been looking for something in a colour that will add to my existing wardrobe. I love that this top is long enough to pair with leather leggings but not overly bulky so I can still tuck it into jeans and trousers. I have no idea what the brand name is but it's in good condition and the material is a thick knit, great for cold days.

My January - February Goal List

Since moving stateside I've experience the turtle speed slowness that January and February have crept by at. These months have always been my favourite at home. It's hot (finally) and the pace of life crawls in a good way. Nights are spent outdoors and the days feel like they're never going to end. In contrast the northern hemisphere shares many of these same attributes, it's just not as appealing when the average temperature is below freezing and it's still snowing in February. Here's how I've been tacking my goals in the depths of the winter season.

Manuscript: The hardest part about starting again on my manuscript has been...starting. I knew I wanted to make a lot of changes to my first draft - big changes - I wanted to make my main character younger so it was a firmly YA story and the overall 'feeling' my first draft gave me felt like it was too heavy. My character is going through a lot of growing pains but I still wanted my book to feel optimistic and funny. I've edited 9,000 words this month and written a much more solid outline for the book, changing up scenes I no longer thought worked or were necessary. I'm enjoying this process much more than I did when I first wrote my draft.

Sustainable shopping: Overall I think I definitely need to scale back on the amount of clothing I buy  but I'm pleased to say that 90% of what I've bought this month has been second hand, However some things have crept into my cart just because they were cheap versus an actual need for them (which I never do when paying full price). I failed in early January by buying a pair of sweatpants and leggings from Old Navy as I really really needed some warm cosy pants that I could wear at home. I also bought a warm winter coat brand new but to be honest I don't regret this purchase as it's so warm and I didn't want to risk buying something that had already been worn to death.

Read more books: I'm five books into my reading goal of completing 30 books this year which is way ahead of schedule! So far I've read the latest book in The Diviners trilogy, Wild by Cheryl Strayed, The Underground Railroad by Coulson Whitehead, Into the Water by Paula Hawkins and The Mermaid and Mrs Hancock. I'll put up some brief reviews soon!

Career: I've talked a little bit about being interested in transitioning into UX design in the future. So far I've signed up for a few free introductory courses on the subject and have really enjoyed it. I'm still interested in applying some of what I've learnt into a more practical project though as even though I find the theory interesting I want to try applying what I've learnt in a real world way.

How are your goals going this year?

3 free ways I’m challenging my imposter syndrome this year

We’ve all experienced feelings of self-doubt from time to time. Some days you just feel just ‘off.’ Maybe you blundered your way through a job interview or pitched an idea that was shot down in a ball of flames at work. These things happen and it can be hard to pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off again. But what about when self-doubt starts manifesting as more than just the occasional negative thought?

Imposter syndrome, although rarely talked about, is something that up to 70% of people have experienced in their lifetime. The feeling of being a fake or a fraud has affected such successful heavy-weights as Maya Angelou, Serena Williams, David Bowie and Sheryl Sandberg. If there’s one thing we can take away from this knowledge it’s that a) literally more than half the population will feel this way at some point and b) it’s not altogether bad company to be in.

Imposter syndrome isn’t just something that can make us feel crap about ourselves it can also have financial implications. It was the reason I didn’t negotiate my job salary until I was in my third professional role and has cost me the potential job earnings of every job I’ve failed to apply for because I couldn’t do all 500 things the job advertisement asked for. Rather than just revel in the feeling of not-being-enough I’ve decided the time has come to conquer my imposter syndrome. Here’s how I’m doing it.

Reinforcing what you already know. I’ve been job hunting for a couple of months now (ain’t nothing like being unemployed to really level-up your imposter syndrome) and it’s easy to get caught in the trap of equating a lack of call backs to your - perceived - lack of skills. One thing I have found helpful is reading up on the industry I’m applying into. This has a two fold effect of often learning about some cool new things but also reinforcing that I already know this shiz. I recommend signing up to some free industry newsletters or even completing a short intro course if there’s one area of your skill set that is bugging you. I recently completed a free two hour short course in digital marketing and although I learned a few new tips and strategies, it also reinforced to me just how much I do know. 

Embracing gratitude. I’m a naturally anxious person so sometimes being given a chance to prove myself can feel like I’m setting myself up for failure. My mind immediately races thorough all the things I think I can’t do instead of what I can. Rather than embracing this glass-half-empty perspective I’ve decided to seek out opportunities as opposed to the hurdles in my way. Instead of feeling sick at the thought of leading a group of my peers in a project it’s a great opportunity for me to champion my colleagues and level up my skills in an area I want to improve in.

Rewriting my narrative. Another fun that anxious brains like to do is equate our past successes with luck rather than skill. I’m a firm believer that we spend too much time dwelling on our failings and not enough championing our successes. While it’s important to learn from our mistakes it’s also helpful (and confidence building) to remember the steps we took to earn our wins. That time you put together a winning strategy wasn’t just blind luck, it was because you did your research and crafted a well thought through response. Writing not just your wins, but how you got there, down in a journal is helpful not only for a self-induced pep talk but will come in handy in the future. You can use these success stories for your resume, at your next job interview or as a reminder that you can take on whatever challenge that comes next.

My 2019 Goals and How I'm Planning On Achieving Them

In my last post I talked a little bit about goal setting and the importance of not just making goals but working towards them. Today I thought I'd share what my 2019 goals actually are and how I plan on achieving them.

Finish my manuscript :: As I've mentioned before my year of completing a diploma in Creative Writing left me with a pretty solid 50k word manuscript but, one that needed a lot of work to become the book I want it to be. I'm setting myself weekly word goals but also allocating time in my calendar each week to the editing process which definitely takes the longest.

What I'm using to keep me on track: The tomato timer method and tracking my weekly word counts.

Shop more sustainably :: Over the past two years I've diligently kept track of all the spending I've done on clothing, shoes and accessories. Things got a little out of hand in 2017 and since then I've managed to rein my spending in, cutting my annual clothing budget in half. I made some really smart choices last year and feel like my closet has a very robust set of basics that will get me through almost any occasion. I like shopping but the guilt of how much stuff I purchase and how bad these purchases are (on a mass scale) for the environment really bugs me.

Because not buying anything is impractical for me - I have weaknesses okay? - I wanted to make an effort at being more sustainable. My closet is a big area where I can make an impactful change. I know not every purchase I make this year will be a sustainable one but my new rules are: Search for items I want second-hand before I buy anything and if I have to buy something and can't find it second hand (in the condition I want) then make an effort to seek out items from sustainable retailers. So no more fast fashion brands for me!

What I'm using to keep me on track: ThredUp and Poshmark are already saved to my computer browsers and I've already purchased my first items second hand!

Read more books :: 2017 was a pretty poor reading year for me and I know that the more I read the better my writing is (and the more motivated I am to write.) This year I've set myself a goal of reading 30 books. 18 more than I managed to do last year.

What I'm using to keep me on track : Goodreads yearly challenge and my Kindle!

Have a better plan for my career moving forward :: This goal is less specific than I would like but there's a reason for that! While I enjoy my work in content and digital marketing I've been feeling lost over the past few years about where I would like to end up. I've been toying with the idea of switching to UX design but it's a big leap (not so much in the work but the time/money I think I will need to outlay) and I want to make sure that it's a path I would a) enjoy and b) would fit my strengths before I go rushing into a career change. At the end of this year I would like to have a clearer path mapped out for making this transition.

What I'm using to keep me on track: Meetups aimed at UX designers, online learning spaces such as Skillshare and General Assembly.

What goals are you working towards this year?

3 Easy Ways to Stay on Track of Your Goals

I was never a goals orientated person. I mean sure I had big dreams, and things I wanted to do in life but they were vague things like 'finish my degree', 'get a job' and 'start looking after my body.' The older I get the more I've realised the value in both setting goals and the work that goes into achieving them. Writing my book has been a huge dream-come-true for me but the process of writing was one that I needed to get serious about.

In 2017 I finished my year of writing having bled, sweated and cried 80,000 words into my novel. Through editing and revising I finished my year with a solid 50,000 words in a tidy but not-yet-finished manuscript. After getting off track last year (my two month break turned into about ten months) I'm back at weekly writing goals for 2019 and am aiming to have a polished 80,000 word draft by the end of the year. Sidenote - my manuscript is very much in it's draft stage so there's a lot of work that needs to be done not only writing another 30k but severely editing what I do have.)

Here are some practical ways I'm trying to stay ontop of my writing goals this year. If you're not a writer don't worry as you can apply them to almost anything!

The tomato timer method :: Committing just one hour during the day to doing a job I'm struggling with was a lifesaving method for me while I was studying. Sitting down for one hour, whether I achieve anything or not, is a far less overwhelming task than say forcing myself to write 1,000 words or applying for 'x' amount of jobs. While the output is about the same (it takes me an hour to write around 1200 words) I often found myself not just writing for one hour but three or four. 

Writing down your wins :: I used to write down a list of things I wanted to achieve each day or week and it was always longer than what I could reasonably achieve. Now instead of feeling disappointment that I only achieve two of my four planned workouts in a week, I celebrate what I did do instead. I also think there's a weird psychological shift in wanting to improve on work I've already done. When I've smashed out two workouts in a week and squeeze in a third it feels like a win as opposed to only completing three out of my four planned sessions.

Tracking your progress :: Because my ultimate goal with my book is to have a 80k word count having what I've achieved each week written down can be really motivating. While I was studying I had a weekly word count of 4k and I would mark each week's achievements on my calendar above my desk. While it can sometimes be despairing to see the week's when I haven't done much I actually found it really motivating to see how much I had already achieved. Looking at your progress as a whole can be very satisfying and I'm planning on taking this tip into 2019 with me.

The self-care acts that actually make a difference while unemployed

Instagram, and lifestyle blogs in particular are awash with suggestions for practising self-care. Everything from bubble baths to 'treating yourself' to a starbucks, or face mask or [insert whatever thing you usually do on special occasions here]. I am all in support of this. While a lot of the time self care articles can seem a bit frothy I think we can all agree the general point is that every now and then we need to slow down and take some time to ground ourselves. However, I've found the times I need the most self-care can often coincide with a need to be frugal. A month ago I moved countries to be with my boyfriend in America. Being away from friends and family and spending a lot of time on my own while I look for work is tough. Not to mention that I have a side project (a novel manuscript) that I both love spending time on yet simultaneously feel guilty about devoting time to since I don't yet have a paying job. After reading a lot of 'self care' lists that don't fit into my budget category right now I've noted the things that I can do that make the biggest difference to my sense of self care (and overall mental health).

Eating well is boring but nutrients are actually important :: I would love to give the illusion that being both unemployed and a writer involves spending days at coffee shops tapping away on my novel in between firing off job applications. Alas, sipping on lattes costs money and I don't think I need the extra pastries in my diet. Instead I make sure that when I do eat it involves lots of boring but accessible things like vegetables, whole foods and home-brewed coffee. While it's not as glamorous it does mean that my savings are at least going a lot further than they would otherwise. I buy non-organic vegetables from big brand supermarkets and make them feel more exciting by adding a sprinkle of chilli flakes, garlic powder, salt and pepper on them. Most meals consist of greens (brussell sprouts, asparagus or broccolini) baked sweet potatoes and a source of protein like roasted chicken breasts or frozen fish fillets. I think it's easy to under-estimate the importance of taking care of yourself from the inside out or that good food is expensive.   

Getting sweaty:: Moving to the land of the free has certainly made me a little envious of how cheap everything here is compared to my home country of New Zealand. Getting a gym membership while I was unemployed was a non-negotiable for me. My gym charges $5 a week (compared to the $19.99 weekly fee it would cost for something similar at home) and includes all classes in the membership for that price. I recommend signing up to a gym in person as the rate I was charged was even cheaper than the advertised rate. While a gym membership isn't necessary for everyone, being active (in a sweaty way) three to four times a week is something I find essential for my mental health. I also love that I can feel a sense of accomplishment and achievement in at least one area of my life. If a gym membership isn't in your budget I would recommend a pair of fitness bands. They are an easy way to up the resistance of at-home workouts and cost very little.

Making time to get out of the house and meet new friends:: The hardest part of moving to a new city (or country) is always making new relationships. I've been using a mixture of Bumble BFF and Meetup, as well as tagging along on my boyfriend's after work drinks. Connecting with other women who work or study during the day has been a great way for me to get out of the house and gives me something in common to talk about. While I'm an introvert by nature, socialising is actually something I've come to realise is hugely important to my mental health. While Meetups are often group-based one of the perks of Bumble BFF is that it's usually one-on-one. It's certainly easier to spend less money (or nothing at all) by meeting up for a coffee or suggesting a walk rather than dinner or drinks with a larger group of people.

Keeping an 'I did' list rather than a 'to do' list :: I started a 'to do' list in the first couple of weeks of moving and guys, it was pretty depressing. Because number #1 is still 'get a job' it had the effect of making me feel like a pretty big failure for not having all my ducks in a row, especially as the weeks grind on. Instead I've been writing down how many times I've worked out each week, the number of words I've been writing and the number of job applications I've sent off. There's no reason you can't add additional achievements on there like books read, skype calls with loved ones or chores completed that emphasis that just because you aren't actively employed doesn't mean you aren't achieving anything.

Replacing social media scrolling with a productive habit instead :: Is there anything worse than getting stuck in a black hole of Instagram, comparing both loved ones and "influencers" lives with your own sad couch-related existence? Thanks to the 'Screen Time' app on iPhone I've learnt that being unemployed has left me with a newfound habit of wasting literally hours and hours looking at social media and feeling shit about my existence. Last week I decided that instead of picking up my phone whenever I felt idle I would pick up my Kindle instead. Reading is the second best thing I could be doing to improve my writing (after, ahem, writing). Using this technique I'm already three-quarters of the way through Beartown by Fredrik Backman and have remembered how much reading revitalises my love for my own work.

Giving myself permission to write :: Writing for me is an act of self-care. I started writing as a creative outlet and because I was lacking a sense of fulfilment in my corporate job. It's also the only thing in my life that is wholly mine and this creative decision making is something all together new and exciting for me. After a few weeks of job hunting I've finally worked out a structure for my days that allows me to spend time on my novel without feeling guilty that I should be on LinkedIn instead. I write best in the afternoon and early evening which means job hunting and applying can be my first priority for the day. I can feel a sense of achievement by applying for jobs early in the day or scheduling interviews in the morning. It's easy to think I shouldn't allow myself time to devote to what is essentially a side-hobby but there aren't many times in my life when I'm going to have whole days at my disposal. After all the difference between a published book and an unpublished book is often a finished book.   

Top Ten Tuesday: Food Glorious Food

This week's Top Ten Tuesday with The Broke and the Bookish is a celebration of food in books.

Harry Potter :: From the feasts in the great hall to all the delicious candy featured in Harry Potter, it is hard to choose a favourite food from these books. I did always wish to try butter beer though.

The 100-Foot Journey by Richard C Morais:: A beautiful descriptive exploration of food, from India to France.

Chocolat by Joanne Harris :: My favourite book featuring delectable food because chocolate is my number one. Come to think of it, all of Joanne Harris' books feature richly descriptive foods that will make you increasingly hungry.

Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen :: Like Chocolat, the food in Garden Spells holds its own type of magic.

Longbourne by Jo Baker :: Told from the servants perspective, Longbourne takes us inside the working quarters of Pride and Prejudice and while this is more about the workings of the kitchen's than a particular type of food, I can't recommend this book enough.

Thoughts on Lolita And Expectations v Reality

I finally got around to reading Nabokov's Lolita. It's take roughly ten years since I first discovered it but really it wasn't for wont of trying. At 19 I had picked it up many times at the library and always ended up shelving it again. It seemed, creepy, and so I always ended up putting it away again. At this stage I knew it was about a grown man who was infatuated with young girls but I hadn't really heard it lauded universally as one of the greatest books ever written.

Well I finally got around to reading it this year and while I enjoyed it, it really was a difficult book for me to make my mind up about. Maybe it was about knowing too much before I went into it. There was no surprise at the character of Humbert Humbert. I knew that I was supposed to fall for his charming ways. I already knew his secret and that he was supposed to charm me into rooting for his unconventional love story.

It's just that it didn't happen that way. I enjoyed the book. I was enamoured with Nabokov's writing. But I didn't really like Humbert Humbert. I didn't find him charming at all and that was kind of the crux of this book. I was supposed to be grappling with liking a character who was doing something legally and morally wrong! It's just that having known all about the book and what I was supposed to be thinking, I ended up feeling the opposite.

I wonder what I would have thought of it ten years ago without the weight of expectation on my shoulder reading it. Ten years ago Lolita was just a book I wanted to read for no other reason than I had heard the name. I enjoyed Lolita. I love Nabokov's writing. Hell, I even had a favourite sentence three pages in (he describes Humbert Humert's father's lineage as a 'salad of racial genes'). I'm just not sure it lived up to the expectation of being the best thing I ever read, which is an unfair pressure.

It can be hard to quieten the noise of others sometimes. I watched a video recently of someone who had just read Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale and they had mused on something similar. They just thought it was going to be, more. More what, they weren't sure. I guess that's how I felt about Lolita.

After watching Better Than Food's book review of Lolita, it turns out I'm not the only one. His video says it much more eloquently than me.

Top Ten Tuesday: Book Boyfriends

Today's Top Ten Tuesday with the Broke and the Bookish is all about Book Boyfriends. Initially I was going to do the best bookish boyfriends, I've put together a list of my favourite books whose boyfriend characters embody the love is complicated theme. Caution: You may not want to date some of them.

The Course of Love by Alain De Botton :: If you have never read or heard of English philosopher Alain De Botton and are interested in philosophy check out the School of Life series narrated by AdB on Youtube. The Course of Love follows the love story of a couple from the day they meet. Interspersed with reflections and nuggets of philosophy that explain why we make weird decisions in relationships, this is a great read that will get you thinking about the complexities of falling in love.

The Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller :: Sometimes the most fleeting of love stories can have the most profound effect on us. A married woman has a brief affair with a photographer and can't forget him. Beautifully written and compelling.

The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P by Adelle Waldman :: Nathaniel P might be a bit of a twat (read: he is), but this is a highly entertaining read. Nate's star is on the rise, he's a literary up-and-comer, has an ivy-league education and his pick of women but just can't seem to figure out what it is he wants, until he gets the girl and no longer wants her. You'll probably enjoy reading about Nate the shallow man-child if you also liked About a Boy or High Fidelity, as it's a little in the same vein.

Landline by Rainbow Rowell :: I love how Landline is like a love story in reverse. Georgie and Neal's marriage is crumbling under the pressures of work and kids. When Neal takes their children to Omaha for Christmas and Georgie stays in LA for work, Georgie is forced to re-evaluate her marriage and re-discovers why she fell in love with her husband all over again. Cute.

Sidenote: If you're looking for actual Bookish boyfriends to crush on I would recommend Emma (because Mr Knightly = yes), The Winter Rose by Jennifer Donnelley or the Outlander series.

Dear Reader by Mary O'Connell

Well this was a fun, cute little read that got a little weird towards the ending. Dear Reader by Mary O'Connell centres around 17-year-old catholic school girl Flannery Fields. Flannery is enamoured with her English teacher Miss Sweeney and their current reading material Wuthering Heights. When Miss Sweeney is a no-show at class one day Flannery makes it her mission to find her missing English teacher.

When the police are called into School, Flannery does all she can to help. She just can't quite part with Miss Sweeney's copy of Wuthering Heights which has transformed into Miss Sweeney's real-time diary. As Flannery sets off for New York City in search of her beloved teacher Flannery meets Heath Cliff, an English university student who helps her on her mission.

The book is told between Flannery's perspective and Miss Sweeney's diary and has the Wuthering Heights-esque use of convoluted language throughout. I did enjoy the flicking back and forward between Miss Sweeney's diary and Flannery's adventure. I remember being surprised that my teachers had a life outside of school. Flannery discovering her teacher's past as a student in New York is very reminiscent of that. It did feel like some of the heavier points of Miss Sweeney's past were glossed over. She is struggling with the death of an ex-boyfriend and taking anti-depressants -  serious issues which I didn't feel were given enough focus, even though they are integral to the ending of the story.

What I did enjoy about Dear Reader was Flannery's chapters were interspersed with thoughts of Miss Sweeney's critiques on her writing, which was very amusing. The ending was where it all fell apart for me though. Without giving too much away the ending felt like it belonged in another book. Flannery set off on her mission to find her teacher but the final chapter didn't seem to fit with her character arc at all which was unexpected and disappointing. Overall, Dear Reader is a cute and easy to read story, but one that didn't quite hit the mark.

Writing and The Importance of Just Showing Up

Today was a 'just showing up' kind of day. The kind that came after months and weeks of turning up the notch on my writing and spending every spare moment of my waking life thinking, writing, thinking about writing and little else. Now I feel spent. There is nothing is left in the tank and yet, I'm so far from finished.

Today I got up early, did all the productive tasks to start my day and sat at my laptop. Then, nothing. Editing felt overwhelming - I didn't know where to start so I switched to writing and that wasn't working either. Nothing was gelling, despite the fact that yesterday I had a super-productive day in both my writing and generally being a together-with-it human.

Having a 'just showing up' day can be tough when you are doing things on your own. I spend the majority of my writing days at home at my laptop. The main reason is cafes and library's are too busy and distracting, and I don't like having to buy a coffee everytime I need to write. I spend hours at a time at my laptop. That's too many coffee's for my student budget to deal with. The inside of my mind feels like the aftermath of a hurricane. My thoughts are strewn everywhere and nothing is in order. I don't know where to start or how to tackle the tasks I need to complete.

The thing is, we all have 'just showing up' days at work too. Yet when all I can achieve is replying to my emails and refiling my paperwork in an afternoon I don't feel like a dismal failure. It's easier to step back and take that for what it is. A sign perhaps, of being too overwhelmed and having too many tasks on the go. In moments like that I reach for something easy. A small win in a day that's not going to plan.

 So, today I'm resigning to the fact that today is not the day to start the clean up. It's a day for airing out. For rest, and naps and peace and quiet.

Book Slumps And How To Fix Them

I am in a book slump. A funk. A pickle, if you will. Ironically since I started studying writing this year and completing my own work I have hardly finished a book. This is greatly upsetting, because a) your girl loves to read so what, whyyyy?? is this happening and b) my writing is so much better when I read. It's like I forget how to word properly without it. See?

Anyway, this post wasn't intended to just be a whinge. I thought I would throw down some tips and see how to get my reading back on.

1. Find a guaranteed good book. Now is not the time to be picking up Ulysses by James Joyce.* Nope, we are in an easy-to-finish zone only here. Find something pacey, fun, entertaining and get to work. (I've picked a very cute book called Dear Reader which I shall elaborate on when I finish).

2. Take your book everywhere with you. I always find myself in random places thinking, 'Isn't this a lovely place to sit a while and contemplate life?' In about two minutes time I start panicking and thinking that other people are looking at me for being a weirdo on their own just sitting staring into the distance. While I should probably care less about this, it also brings me to the fact that I get bored easily anyway and bringing a book along for these moments would provide entertainment and stop me from looking weird.

3. Stop watching Youtube. Guilty as charged. I even did a post last month about my favourite Youtubers to binge-watch. My bad. I quite enjoy watching a few videos in the morning as I much my breakfast but really at night it's not a great habit as the blue light is bad for keeping you awake longer and I'm usually watching very half-arsedly anyway.

4. Read x amount of pages per day. Sometimes it takes a little more concentration to get over the hump of a book and get into the story. A few chapters to break the ice could be all I need to stick to a book and see it all the way through.

*Was never going to do that ever anyway. Let's be honest.

Should You Take A Writing Course?

One of the things I love about taking a writing course is the conversations it sparks with other people. I can't count the number of times that people respond with positive questions and comments like 'I've always wanted to do that' or something similar. Usually when I pry a little deeper or say, 'why don't you?' a lot of people aren't really sure what a writing course can offer or are under the misconception that writing courses are only for a certain type of person. Well, spoiler: they are for a certain type of person - those of us who like to write.

First of all you do not need to have any type of plan or agenda to take a writing course. Perhaps you want to dabble in novels in your spare time or you are convinced you have the ability to be the next J K Rowling. Both of those are great reasons to do a course! You don't need to be a literary whizz to take creative writing. The point of you taking a class is to become a better writer. In both cases, amateurs and the blessedly gifted can become better writers. So, how do you know a writing course is right for you?

• You want to learn. I am a huge believer that every person can learn to be better at their chosen craft. For some reason there's a belief out there that you are either born an artist or you're not. (Although, yeah it helps to have a smidgen of talent to begin with.) The latter of us are forced to live out an eternity side-eyeing our naturally gifted friends and should just throw our laptops and pens out the window. This is a) dangerous b) costly and c) stupid. Completing a formal qualification is not a pre-requisite to being a great author but a lot of published authors became great writers through learning and then practising what they have learnt over and over again. 

• You start projects and never finish them. You wanna know how many non-books I started and got nowhere with before starting my course because I didn't know where to start and how to finish? Too many to count. Sometimes the discipline of having a tutor to prod you along is just what you need to help you achieve your goals.

• You don't know the basics. I didn't know what filtering was before I took my course. I knew what bad writing felt like as a reader but I often couldn't pinpoint why. Sometimes it's the seemingly simple things that can speed us ahead light-years when it comes to our own writing (and oh, filtering is a biggie). 

• You want other people to read your work and critique it. Having other writers to soundboard off is key and writing courses are often built around workshopping each others work.

• You are an open book. Be open to learning and you will enjoy the experience, trust me. The great thing about taking a course or a writing class is that you do not have to agree with everything you are taught. Writing is an artform, a craft. It can be as experimental or ridged as you make it. The only truth I have learnt through my course, is this: You cannot edit what you don't finish

Writing courses or classes come in so many different shapes and forms that there is no one way of studying or learning that is right. You might want to complete a Bachelor of Arts, or a diploma in the subject. You might be more interested in a semester course after work or doing something online that has more flexibility in the class hours and deadlines. Whatever you chose, if any of the above ring true joining a writing course might be a great fit for you!

Top Ten Tuesday: My Spring TBR List

September brings with it the changing of the seasons and thankfully means longer nights, sunny days and the wild and windy weather Wellington is known for! Surprisingly despite the coming warmth my to be read list is looking pretty dark. Take a look at this week's Top Ten Tuesday!

The Power by Naomi Alderman :: A sci-fi novel about a diverse group of teenage girls and how their lives change when they inherit the physical power. Seemingly overnight the world changes. I love this take on feminism and whether the world would change for better or worse, if women were physically dominant.

The Girl Who Takes an Eye For An Eye by David Lagercrantz :: Continuing on the Girl With The Dragon Tattoo series, David Lagercrantz delivers the fifth book in the series. I read The Girl In The Spider's Web a few years ago and really enjoyed it.

The Break Down by B A Paris :: It's been a while since I've indulged in reading crime fiction and The Break Down has come up in my media feeds a lot lately.

Room and The Wonder by Emma Donoghue :: I absolutely loved Frog Music by Emma Donoghue and have always wanted to read more from this compelling author. Although Room and The Wonder are two very different books I love discovering authors who write a broad range of fiction.

Into The Water by Paula Hawkins :: Another crime book! I really enjoyed The Girl on The Train.